The First Girlfriend

In sixth grade, how do you know that a girl is someone that you should ask to "go out with" you? Well, she should be cute.

As a personal aside, listing looks first doesn't make me shallow, it just makes me honest. Very few "first time I saw her" stories start with "I thought she was kind of ugly to begin with". Physical attraction is "species-continuation" necessary. Now how the heck do I get down from this soap box?

To continue the list of traits: She should be kind, fun to talk to, have a good sense of humor, she should be smart and sophisticated in a 6th grade sort of way. In return, she would have to agree to go out with this guy:




I decided that I was going to ask Shauna Massey to go out with me because she perfectly matched the most important traits on my list:



Cute?
Check
Kind?
Maybe
Fun to talk to?
I don't know - I never really talked to her
Good Sense of Humor?
Not sure
Smart?
I think she could be
Sophisticated?
Must be, she has a fake fur coat

NOW you can call me shallow!

Being suave and sophisticated myself, I used the checkbox technique to pop the question. I wrote the note and asked Shawna Jensen to deliver the note. Shawna was her best friend and someone I viewed almost like a cousin -- my mom and her mom were best friends. She gave her the note as we parted ways, I went down Atherton, and they went down Beechwood. I was freakin' nervous! I remember that I was with a friend of mine, but I was clearly focused on her so I don't remember who it was (it had to have been Judd Lewis or Brian Shaw -- not pertinent, but true).

They yelled back the answer which could have been very embarrassing, but since it was "yes", I was okay with it. Looking back, I am not sure whether the feeling I had was elation with her answer or relief that I wasn't rejected. I think it was relief.

The next day during morning recess, we were playing keep-away and Gary Wilde accidentally ran into her. I threatened him because I thought that's what you were supposed to do. She said I was too protective and broke up with me. So. . .

I had a girlfriend which meant, I was pretty sure, that I wasn't a virgin anymore -- we never kissed or anything, but I didn't think that was important. It didn't really bother me that it was over because my goal was accomplished.

If I hadn't threatened Gary, she would have broken up with me later in the day for sneezing wrong or something, so I'm just glad I gave her a reason early. That was some sweet 18 hours!

Epilogue:

A month or two later, the doorbell rang. As was my custom when such things happened, I answered. Much to my surprise, chagrin and dismay I was staring at Shawna and Shauna. My mom (unbeknownst to me, and clearly without my permission) agreed to give them a ride to the movies. Without a word to them or anyone else, I shut the door and went to my room. Suave and sophisticated, indeed!