The Contest

I'm a Seinfeld fan. You should know that. Because of that, I have decided to change my blog entry naming convention to match that of Seinfeld episodes. So from now on, the blog will be named "The [something]".

I've decided to make the next few entries about the most memorable experiences in my elementary school years. If you are a fan of the show, you may enjoy the irony inherent in the fact that "The Contest" is about a first grade experience.

I can't remember what key learning we were supposed to take away from this fall activity, but I'll bullet point my thoughts once I'm done. This is the way "The Contest" went down from my first grade viewpoint.

The assignment was:
Catch a bug
Make sure that it's a really good, fast bug
All bugs will be put into the middle of a circle, the first bug out of the circle wins

Lucky for me we had a grasshopper farm in our neighborhood. It wasn't too far a walk either, as it was located between the back of our house and the back fence and was bordered by the two side fences. Some of the best and fastest bugs in the state were found here -- I was pretty sure I was going to win. The hunt was exhausting, and many hoppers were caught and summarily dismissed upon closer examination when they fell short of my size, speed, and/or spunk requirements. I finally found the winner. It wasn't the best I'd seen, but I figured it was good enough to win against the chump bug-catchers in my class.

I put him in the requisite mason jar with the grass/weeds for food (pretty much Wheaties for bugs) and the holes in the lid. I remember being very concerned that there would be controversy when my bug won, and some other kid claimed that it was actually his bug. Something had to be done. I'd love to give credit where it's due, but I can't remember whether it was Mom or Dad that came up with the idea to put fingernail polish on the abdomen (the last part of the bug along with the head and thorax -- I think I just figured out what we were supposed to be learning). The fingernail polish was somewhere between red and hot pink -- very distinctive, problem solved.

The inspecting of the athletes took place outside the doors to our classrooms before school started. There are two memories of note here. First, there was a group of guys playing catch with a football. At first this may seem benign, but to my hyper-competitive mind, these guys were CLEARLY not taking things seriously enough. No pep talks, no checking out the competition, no last minute strategy adjustments -- very good news.

Secondly, there was Curtis Adkins. I didn't know Curtis very well, but his reputation as a very smart kid preceded him. It was this reputation that really had me questioning my strategy when I saw what he brought. He had a red, cylindrical container (kind of looked like a flashlight body), and his competitor was right there in the bottom. You had to look really hard to see him, though, because he was an ANT. I thought I had clearly missed the boat, because the smart kid brought a freakin' ANT -- what was I missing?!?! Turns out that either Curtis was no where near as smart as people thought, just forgot about the assignment and caught the first thing he saw on the way to school, or was so much smarter than I was because he saw the humor in bringing an ant. I'll never know, Curtis moved before we hit second grade.

So Curtis didn't win. Sean didn't win either - devastating, but I learned some pretty important things:

Catch your bug on the day of an event - they lose a lot of their spunk overnight
Mark your bug (I still think it was a smart move!)
Not everybody sees everything as a competition - and they'll probably live longer

Soccer is cool!